FREEDOM SEEKING BATTERIES?

The bounty from my latest battery sweep

This photo is of the latest “battery sweep” I conducted at my house.  I continue to find loose batteries everywhere.  No rhyme or reason for this since after testing all these batteries about one-third of them tested “good”.  So why aren’t they still in their slots?  They can’t all be falling out of TV, dvd, and Wii remotes, or toys.  The 9 volt is an even bigger mystery since the only item I can think of that uses them in our home is the smoke detectors.  Are these batteries now starting to fall from the sky?

I know I am not removing and leaving batteries around the house.  Teenager doesn’t have time to remove her clothing off the floor or bed, so I don’t see her giving this activity much of her energy.  Himself, he seems as bewildered as I am, though he thinks it is humorous (note he is not picking them up).  So, process of elimination leaves me...Last Son as the culprit.  When asked why there are loose batteries all over the house he responds, “I don’t know.”  Hmm, let me rephrase the question, “Why did you take the batteries out of their devices?”  “I don’t know.”  “Are the batteries dead?”  “I don't know? Do you want me to test them?”  (Note, he enjoys testing batteries, which is why he is #1 on my list of suspects.)

This isn’t the first, or second, or whatever, time I have made a battery sweep in this house.  Luckily, we don’t have any crawling infants in the house, though that does remind me that we have had problems with batteries in the past, but not appearing, but rather mysteriously leaving their proper location in TV remotes.  Years ago, when Teenager was around a year old, she was fascinated with the battery cover on the TV remote.  I never noticed her messing with the batteries themselves so didn’t think much of her “take the cover off, put the cover back on” activity.  Until that New Year’s Day, when I tried to use the remote to turn the TV on.  Nothing.  The cover was on.  I checked the batteries (maybe they were dead?)  No batteries.  I looked around the living room.  No batteries on the floor, in the couch, in the chair... and our living room was small back then, with hardwood floors and no hiding places.  And there were no loose batteries in sight.  

With the remote in my hand, and pointing to the empty battery slot, I asked our toddler where the batteries were.  She wasn’t speaking much then, but she did point to her mouth.  “You put them in your mouth?”  I asked her, quickly assessing what a battery in the mouth of a small child could do.  “Where are the batteries?” I asked again, hoping she would walk somewhere and pull them out.  Again she pointed to her mouth.  Egads.  I immediately found Himself and told him, “I think she might have swallowed a battery or two.”  Himself’s calm response, “I don’t think she could have swallowed a battery, they’re too big.”  

I located our supply of new batteries and picked out a AA.  Okay, it did look a bit big to go down her throat, but what if she choked it down?  Where was she and how long did it take for her to do this?  Our house was tiny back then and I feel pretty certain I would have heard her choking on something.  

Again, I asked my daughter, this time holding the new battery and pointing to the remote, “Where are the batteries for this?”  And again, she pointed to her mouth.

Time to call Poison Control.  Was I embarrassed?  Well, yeah, but I would rather be a stupid parent than be an idiot (fine degree of difference) parent who did nothing and perhaps fatally injured her child.  The Poison Control person told me that swallowing a AA battery, while difficult for a small child, is not impossible.  And if she did manage it, it is extremely dangerous and life-threatening as her stomach acid will eat through the battery wall exposing the battery acid which could kill her.  Right, okay, glad I called.

Himself and I spent the next several hours at the Emergency Room where they x-rayed our one-year old and ascertained that she did not, in fact, swallow any batteries.  One of our more memorable New Year’s Day events for many years - it is not a great feeling telling Emergency Room personnel that your child may have swallowed a battery.  There is always “the look”.  The strange thing is that we never found the missing batteries to the remote - anywhere.  It’s like they just disappeared - poof.

Fast-forward to today, and I find that instead of being plagued by missing batteries, I now have “extra” batteries on the floor, under the table, under the couch, on the bookcase, in a closet, etc.  It’s like a battery exodus.  Do they manage to pop out and roll to freedom at night?  Would rechargeable batteries appear on the floor just as easily? Or is it really just another unsolved mystery in my house...like the mystery of who used up the last of the toilet paper without replacing the roll?