Rules of Civility

Try this you "I drink mine black" coffee drinkers!

Each morning, my “alarm” is Himself bringing me a cup of coffee...in bed. Yes, I am truly spoiled. My successful wake up routine is: acknowledge Himself (he makes me open both eyes, look at him, smile and speak, before he leaves the coffee), scrunch myself upright against the pillows, turn on my reading light (our mornings are usually overcast), reach for my coffee, followed by reaching for the latest book I am reading. This ritual has worked wonders for me for a few years now. This morning, more tired than usual, I apparently tried to combine steps. I reached for my book with one hand, on top of which was perched my very hot coffee, while turning on my bedside light with the other. With the light was on it was easy to see the coffee cup slide off the book dumping coffee onto me, the duvet, the sheets, and the book. I am currently reading Rules of Civility by Amor Towles, which is a new release I checked out from the library. And now, I will be replacing Rules of Civility by Amor Towles before returning it since it is soaked in coffee and cream.    

I also had to strip the bed and wash the duvet, which wasn’t on my “to do” list today because spills with coffee and cream cannot be simply ignored or at least the volume of this particular spill. I think I just admitted that there were already a few drops on the duvet from previous mornings, but no matter, those minor spills have been overshadowed by this morning’s event.

A good friend of mine drinks her coffee black now because she has stained so many tops with spilled coffee. She claims straight coffee doesn’t stain like the dairy-infused coffee. Must I give up half ‘n half to be able to spill a few drops on the duvet without guilt? (I am convinced the only reason I didn’t get seriously burned this morning is that there was half ‘n half in the coffee) Half ‘n half in the coffee is part of my morning ritual. To me, drinking black coffee is like...yelling to the world you are not a wuss! (Really? Who cares?) Or,“I don’t need no stinking cream,” when really you just forgot that you drank the last drop the day before and are trying to cover for your lapse of picking some up at the store. And for the record, if we are out of half ‘n half, the substitute in this house is two-percent milk with a dollop of whipped cream (yes, whipped cream is usually in the fridge. This combination works, but amazingly it is kind of too sweet for me.) I don’t take sugar in my coffee, but I recognize that people do.  Do I tell them to “just drink it black, like it was made to be drank?” No, but that comment has been said to me when I ask if there is any half ‘n half. For those folks who clean up after others...how many half drank “black coffees” do you toss out compared to the ones with coffee and real half ‘n half? We coffee-and-cream drinkers don’t leave any I assure you. So, I ask, who are the true coffee-connoisseurs ?

For the record, regular, skim, or nonfat milk is not a palatable substitute for half ‘n half. Non-dairy “creamers” are chock full of chemicals and even after you dump a 1/4 cup of suspicious powder into your coffee, the texture, taste and “whiteness” just doesn’t cut it. Drinkers of coffee, black, or even black with sugar, think this powder crap should satisfy us coffee and cream drinkers, and keep it around for “us.” Seriously, don’t bother. We real coffee and cream people won’t be stirring that powdery toxin into our coffee, so the stuff will sit there on your shelf for months, if not years. Save your money by not buying the fake whitener at all, or pony up for the real stuff.   

What about tea? Well, I am a fan of tea. Drinking good tea black, or with a touch of honey, would suffice for many years. But then a British friend turned me on to “real English tea,” the kind that is fresh-brewed and served with milk and a spot of sugar. It was fabulous and definitely capable of replacing the coffee in my morning ritual. There I go again with the dairy accompaniment though, and a need for an official electric kettle.

Interesting Dairy Fact:  The Teenager did research on Iceland for her Biology class and discovered that Iceland used to be covered in forests. The Danish Vikings/settlers wouldn’t give up their love of dairy products, so the early settlers cut down most of the island’s forests to provide grazing land for their beloved cows!  Even for the sake of their new home’s environmental health, they wouldn’t give up their dairy. I’d like to think I would have, for the sake of my new home, but since whipped cream and butter are part of our holiday food pyramid, it seems I too would have ravaged the land in my quest for cream.

The dryer just beeped. Time to wrestle with the comforter and duvet cover, make the bed, and shop for a replacement copy of Rules of Civility. Coffee with cream, in bed, reading a book with this title... my own “rules of civility.”