HOUSEKEEPING TIP NO. 1: HOW TO STAGE YOUR VACUUM CLEANER AS A SOCIAL MESSAGE.

Yes, this doll house is covered in what is

sucked up in vacuums!

Hmm...What the hell is the green stuff? 

My vacuum would yield much more interesting 

materials to work with.

(Art by Maria Adelaida Lopez)

Our house is big and I am in control of cleaning it, either through direct action or through vocal efforts of “inspiring” the other inhabitants to do their share. Our crazy schedule does not present many hours of cleaning time. Therefore, I am not currently offering up our house for any meetings or events where people that have never been to our house might show up. 

Our house has some pretty cool and artistic touches. People who are new to our home invariably want “a tour”. Even if I am able to stop them from taking a “self-guided tour”, they are still invited into the entry, where I watch them scan the room.  This is my prime location for the “vacuum on standby”.   

My women friends who feel that their houses are out of control, merely need to come over to my house unannounced. Once they have been allowed in to see my house in its naked uncleanliness (and a quick assessment of our future relationship may be taken), the pressure on me to keep up appearances is over. My women friends will leave with the knowledge and confidence that their housekeeping skills are better, way better, than mine. It’s a service I offer to only my closest friends!

Another art house by Maria Adelaida Lopez  

Besides making them feel superior in their cleanliness, I have also let these close friends in on my trick to avoid criticism from not-so-close friends: If there is a chance someone might stop by, and you don’t have time to clean, leave the vacuum out!  Leaving the vacuum out sends the message: “Yes, I know my floors are covered in dog hair, and there is stuff everywhere, but I was just getting ready to clean before you showed up at my door.” How can anyone fault your messy house when they are the reason you haven’t started vacuuming or cleaning? It is imperative, of course, that if you have a clear canister vacuum that the canister must be empty and not full of hair and dirt. And have the vacuum plugged in. If it is just sitting there, unplugged, the “I was just starting to clean” moment loses its spontaneous quality.

It is also important that you dress accordingly. If you are dressed to go out when you open the door, your credibility as a harried, interrupted, housecleaning kind of gal flies right out the window.  

I have used this “vacuum cleaner as art installation” successfully for several years. But Himself is now commenting that the vacuum is always out, and the canister is always clean. He does notice that the vacuum moves around from room to room though. And his problem is...what?